Addiction takes up a lot of time. Not only time spent engaging in the substance or behavior, but in the planning and preparation for use, and some version of recovering from use the day after.
When I was active in my addiction, I spent a lot of time thinking about when I could next go, fantasizing about how much I would win, time spent in anticipation when I knew I was going. If I lost (which was most of the time) a lot of energy and time was spent on covering it up, figuring out finances, or thinking about how I could get more money to chase the losses.
Time that now needed to be filled in other ways.
For many, addiction also fills an emotional void, feeling empty or disconnected. Having new options to deal with the emotional heaviness that comes up when giving up your coping strategy is vital.
Allow Yourself To Feel
Be honest with yourself. It is okay to miss what you were doing and feel a sense of loss. It might have gotten to the point where you felt like you were destroying yourself, but before that it also helped you cope in a lot of ways. It may have helped you escape and feel some respite from the stressors in your life. It is not unusual to romanticize the substance or behavior and forget the problems that it caused in the early stages of recovery and even beyond that. Don’t beat yourself up for remembering the good old days, but don’t stay there either.
Feel whatever you are feeling, grieve the loss if that is what you need to do.
Activity #1 – Pull out the journal, write your good-bye letter to your addiction.
Let it know that there was a time it felt like a friend but you no longer want to feel controlled by it. Say what ever is in your heart and start letting the past go. Be patient with yourself. Just because you feel like having a drink doesn’t mean you have to have one, remember it is just a thought and you can change a thought.
This Is A New Beginning
In a previous posts I suggested you decide what you want your life to look like in the future. It’s easier to get to the destination if we know where we are going.
Activity #2 – Write out your vision. What would you like your life to look like a year from now. Make a list of activities to support the changes you want.
This is a marathon not a sprint, so give yourself more than 30 days to recreate yourself, think about where you want to be in the long term so you have time to create new habits.
If improved physical health is part of your picture, maybe exercise replaces some of the time you spent in your addiction. If you are noticing that anxiety is coming up or you are having difficulty focusing or concentrating, this might be a time to learn meditation. If sitting in the lotus position chanting or focusing on your breath sounds overwhelming, there are plenty of mindfulness exercises that can give you the same benefits as meditation. Walking mindfully, QiGong, or Tai Chi for example.
If the focus includes a career change, this is the perfect time to start to do some research, or sign up for a class.
Have Some Fun
Learning new ways to have fun is vital for moving forward. If sitting around smoking pot with friends or going out to clubs and drinking was the highlight of the week you need to figure out something new. Join a softball, kickball, or volleyball league. Take a cooking class and invite friends over to show off your new culinary skills. Learn a language, take a photography class, start a hobby, join a meet-up.
Activity # 3 – Make a list of fun activities that you will really try. Think of things that you used to enjoy and add a few new ideas. Put the list where you can see it.
Figure out what used to be fun, if you started using at a very young age and didn’t ride a bike or learn to roller blade, maybe you let your inner child out to play. Google hobbies and fun ideas to get the juices flowing, ask others what they do for fun, make a list of things you are willing to try to find your new thing.
Get creative.
Reconnect
Often as a result of addiction we let go of friendships, we have lost the trust of others. This may be a good time to reconnect. To rebuild trust and to mend fences. Even if it feels daunting to face people, some people will be receptive and will be supportive. Others may not and that needs to be okay. You will need support through this process so this could be a good way to find out who your real friends are. Mending fences and rebuilding relationships will allow you to let go of some of the shame that often accompanies moving into sobriety and facing the past. You may need to add to your social support if you alienated a lot of friends or your social circle includes people that are still engaging in the behavior you are trying to leave behind.
Activity #4 – Reach out to old friends or join a group and start to create new friendships.
This might be a great time to get out of yourself and do some volunteer work. There is nothing like helping for getting out of your own head.
Create Structure and Routine
Keeping busy, having a plan for the day can add a sense of purpose that is needed during this important life transition. It can help you to create new habits. If your time included a lot of habitual behavior around your addiction, new habits need to be created. If the first thing you did when you got home from work at night was pour a drink of scotch, you will need a pattern interrupt.
This might include going to the gym straight from work instead of going home. It could be having an iced tea that you grab from the fridge the minute you walk in the door. If you enjoy using EFT, you might tap in the car on the way home to let go of the craving so when you walk in the door, it is easy to just pass up the drink. The more you say NO to the behavior the quicker the habitual behavior becomes a thing of the past.
Activity #5 – Write out your schedule for the week and include time for daily self-care as well as projects and activities you want to include. Review your schedule daily.
Going to bed and getting up at the same time daily is helpful in supporting physical health. Creating structure and routine might also include starting the day with affirmations, a walk, reading something inspirational, or setting an intention for a good day. Starting the
morning off in a positive manner is a great idea and can set the tone for the day.
Adding in projects both for home and work can be beneficial. A sense of accomplishment can go a long way in helping us feel better about our self.
Summary And A Word Of Caution
Here again are the 5 suggested activites to help focus on recovery. starting to incorporate these will not only help you feel more engaged in your life again, they will support physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental health. Being purposeful with your time and using it in a way that supports you in personal growth will help you feel like you are driving the bus.
Activity #1 – Pull out the journal, write your good bye letter to your addiction.
Activity #2 – What would you like your life to look like a year from now. Make a list of activities to support the changes you want.
Activity # 3 – Make a list of fun activities that you will really try. Think of things that you used to enjoy and add a few new ideas.
Activity #4 – Reach out to old friends or join a group and start to create new friendships.
Activity #5 – Write out your schedule for the week and include time for daily self-care as well as projects and activities you want to include. Review your schedule daily.
Recovery is a lifetime process. It is okay to take it slow. When we try to change too much at once it is easy to get overwhelmed and give up. Prioritize, where does a change need to be made. It is actually okay to be a little bored, it may not feel great but it won’t kill you. Addicts tend to be compulsive and a little extreme, be careful not to replace one addiction with another. Even a healthy addiction is still an addiction and has control over your thoughts and actions. So take a step back once in a while and ask yourself if life is feeling balanced.
From my perspective the goal is to be in control of your life again, and to feel some sense of balance, peace, joy, and love.